Lost Without You
by Ellivia22
Summary: alternate version of "I'll Be." What if Raven came too late to save Beast Boy from performing his final deed? What will the Teen Titans be like without the green changeling? Most importantly, will Raven be able to go on without the man she's always secretly loved? BBRae. Please review. COMPLETE!
1. Chapter 1

(A/N: Hello all! This story has been on my mind for a few years now. I really hope you like it. This will be the last story in my "I'll Be" collection. You don't have to read "I'll Be" or "Bring Me To Life" first, but I would recommend it. I warn you, this story is really drenched in angst, but it's good, I promise. I really hope you like it. I would really appreciate it if you give me a review. Thanks! Love, Ellivia22)

This story will be completely in Raven's point of view.

Disclaimer: I do not own Teen Titans at all. If I did, Beast Boy would be legally and 100% mine :)

**Lost Without You**

** By: Ellivia22**

** Chapter 1 November**

_I was sitting on the couch, trying with all my being to clear my mind. The latest book from my ever growing collection laid in my lap. I tried in vain to focus on the words on the page, but the way my eyes kept becoming blurry, the task had become impossible. I was too upset to concentrate on what was happening in the pages anyway._

_ The atmosphere in the tower had changed drastically in the course of almost a week. I didn't know my teammates anymore. Starefire's cheerful nature wasn't the same. Cyborg hadn't touched the game station. Robin had become stony, silent, and angry. And Beast Boy..._

Oh Beast Boy, _I thought miserably. _Why did you have to change the most?

_Right as I turned the page, a loud sound rang out, shaking the whole tower. _

_**BANG!**_

_I jumped out of my skin, the sound echoing in my ears painfully. _Oh God. Please don't be what I think it is_. Without thinking twice, I dropped my book. I ran as fast as I could down the hall. I knew where it came from. The room of the only other person who didn't go to the carnival. The man I secretly loved: Beast Boy._

_ I blew away the door with my powers. My heart broke. Beast Boy was lying on his back on the floor. A silver gun was in his gloved hand, dark red blood staining the ground from a head wound. It was quite obvious what he just did._

_ "Beast Boy!" I cried, running to him. I pulled him into my arms. Blood instantly soaked into my leotard and cloak, but I didn't notice. I was too shocked and horrified to heal him. I knew it was too late anyway. He lost too much blood. "Beast Boy, why?"_

_His dull green eyes were half open. His breathing was slowing down. He was fading fast. "Rae," he managed to whisper._

_ His skin lost a pigment of color. My hand landed on his chest. The heartbeat was deathly slow. He didn't answer my question. "Tell the others I'm so sorry. I love you, Raven." His eyes fell shut. _

_ I held him closer to my chest. "I love you, too," I whispered in his ear. Please d-don't leave me!" I felt his body go limp. He was gone. This couldn't be happening._

_ I felt my world collapse all around me. My heart was breaking along with all the lights in the tower. I lost the man I loved above all things. If only I told him sooner. Then this might not have happened. My body trembled in grief._

_ I lost track of time. Hours might have passed, maybe even days. My eyes wouldn't leave his still face. My hand was still on his chest. I didn't even look up when I heard the happy chatter of the others._

_ "Raven must've blew out the lights again," Robin commented. _

_ "I shall make sure that she is all right," Starfire said._

_ I hugged Beast Boy's body closer to me. Sobs escaped my throat. I couldn't hold them back even if I wanted to. Starfire stopped in front of the room, apparently not noticing that the door was gone. Her hand was raised, green light illuminating from it._

_ "Friend Raven! We have brought you some candy made of cotton and-" she stopped in mid-sentence. Starfire gasped when she saw the dead teen in my arms. "Friend! What happened to Beast Boy? Will he be all right?" I watched as she stared horrified at the blood surrounding us._

_ I shook my head sadly. "He's dead, Starfire."_

_ She gasps again. "Friends! Please help us!" Tears started streaming down her face. "H-how did he die?"_

_ Unconsciously I started stroking his face. It was as cold as ice. "He shot himself."_

_ The others came in the room, both having their own source of light. Cyborg sank to his knees, despair on his face. "BB, no," he whispered._

_ Starfire immediately ran into Robin's arms and started sobbing hysterically. Robin showed no emotion. I knew he was grieving deep inside. After a long silence that seemed to be hours, Robin let go of Starfire and took a cautious step toward me. "Raven, he's gone. You can't help him anymore. Let him go."_

_ I bent my head further. Robin was right, of course. "C-can I just have a few more minutes with him," I glanced at Robin with pleading eyes. "Please."_

_ Robin nodded and motioned the others to follow him. Reluctantly the others do so. Once they were gone I took a look around Beast Boy's room. It was so clean I could actually see the ground. Four piles of items were a couple of feet away from us. I scanned each pile with my eyes. They all contained his possessions and a note to each of the Titans. _

_ Tears fell more rapidly when I saw my pile. Among the numerous pictures laid his black and yellow communicator and a leather bound book. Against a vase containing a beautiful red rose was a note with my name on it. With a shaky hand, I summoned the note to me._

_ Silently I read Beast Boy's last words. I was surprised to learn how articulate he really was. I wondered why he never showed it. In his note I understood that he truly was deeply in love with me. I dropped the note and laid my head against Beast Boy's cheek. Then I closed my eyes, hoping that when I opened them again everything would be different._

**Here's chapter 1. I hope you liked it. Please review :) Chapter 2 will be along soon.**


	2. Chapter 2 Funeral

(A/N: Thank you to those who reviewed. I really appreciate it. Please continue to do so. It gives me confidence. Take care, and enjoy the chapter. Love, Ellivia22)

Disclaimer: Teen Titans is not mine, otherwise I wouldn't have let the series end. The song "Meet You There" belongs to Simple Plan.

**Lost Without You **

** Chapter 2 Funeral**

_A cold breeze whipped through my hair, sending chills down my spine. I pulled my cloak tightly around me. My face shone with tears as I stared at the coffin before me. This was so wrong. I wasn't supposed to be here. Beast Boy wasn't supposed to be in the coffin in front of my eyes. This wasn't supposed to happen. But it did._

**Now you're gone,_  
_I wonder why_  
_You left me here,_  
_I think about it on, and on, _  
_and on, and on, and on, again._  
_I know you're never coming back,_  
_I hope that you can hear me,_  
_I'm waiting to hear from you..**

_ I glanced around the cemetery at the numerous people who came to say goodbye. Besides us, the Titans East, a group of super heroes called the Doom Patrol, and several citizens surrounded us. If Beast Boy did this because he thought nobody cared about him, he was very wrong. _

_ Cyborg's voice cracked, snapping me back into reality. I had already listened to Star's sobbing speech and Robin's monotone one. My turn was next. It would be a miracle if I didn't break down. I turned my attention back to Cyborg._

_ "Beast Boy was my best friend. I will never understand why he took his own life, but I know that I'll always miss him. Thank you."_

**Until I do,_  
_You're gone away,_  
_I'm left alone,_  
_A part of me is gone,_  
_And I'm not moving on,_  
_So wait for me,_  
_I know the day will come..**

_ Cyborg left the podium next to the closed bronze casket and sat beside Bumblebee, who patted his metal shoulder. I sighed heavily. It was my turn. My legs carried me to the podium. I barely noticed. My hands clutched desperately to the wooden object in effort to keep myself steady. I looked at the people before me. My vision blurred. I took a deep breath._

**I'll meet you there,_  
_No matter where life takes me to,_  
_I'll meet you there,_  
_And even if I need you here,_  
_I'll meet you there.**

_ "Contrary to popular belief Beast Boy was the most important person to me. He brightened my life every day with his laughter, his smile, even his corny jokes." Some people in the audience chuckled. I smiled briefly in spite of myself. "He protected me and made me feel safe."_

**I wish I could have told you,**_**  
**_**The things I kept inside,**_**  
**_**But now I guess its just too late.**_**  
**_**So many things remind me of you,**_**  
**_**I hope that you can hear me,**_**  
**_**I miss you,**_**  
**_**This is goodbye,**_**  
**_**One last time.**

_ I ran a hand through my violet hair. "I never appreciated him like I should have. I didn't treat him the way he deserved to be treated. I might have been the cause of his suicide. And for that I'm sorry with all my heart._

_ The week before he passed I tried everything I could to find out what was wrong. But I was too late. He had fallen too far. I blame myself for not noticing sooner. If I had, he might still be alive."_

**You're gone away,_  
_I'm left alone,_  
_A part of me is gone,_  
_And I'm not moving on,_  
_So wait for me,_  
_I know the day will come..**

_ I looked up at the stormy sky. The weather matched the atmosphere perfectly. The tears started to fall. I closed my eyes and started to talk again. This time I wasn't talking to the audience, but to the man I loved; the man I lost. _

**I'll meet you there,_  
_No matter where life takes me to,_  
_I'll meet you there,_  
_And even if I need you here,_  
_I'll meet you there,_  
_No matter where life takes me to,_  
_I'll meet you there,_  
_And even if I need you here,_  
_I'll meet you there.I'll meet you there...**

_ "Beast Boy, while you were dying in my arms, you told me that you loved me. You didn't live long enough to hear me tell you that I felt the same." I took a deep breath. "I never got to tell you how sorry I am for all the times I hurt you. I promise you this: I will continue to love you even after the day I die. So please wait for me."_

**And where I go you'll be there with me,_  
_Forever you'll be right here with me..**

_ Not caring if it made me colder, I took off the blue cloak that was covering my black dress. Then I laid it upon the coffin. I walked away from the podium and back to my seat. I couldn't watch the rest of the service, so I buried my face in my hands for the remainder. My heartache was too much __for me to bear._

**I'll meet you there,_  
_No matter where life takes me to,_  
_I'll meet you there,_  
_And even if I need you here,_  
_I'll meet you there,_  
_No matter where life takes me.._  
_I'll meet you there,_  
_And even if I need you.._  
_I'll meet you there...I'll meet you there..._  
_I'll meet you there..**

_**BBRae**_

_ Thirty minutes later I returned to the tower with my teammates. My powers were getting out of control because ever since Beast Boy's death my emotions had been going crazy. I hadn't been able to meditate either. I needed to do it now._

_ I knew that no matter how hard I tried I wouldn't be able to get Beast Boy out of my mind. I probably never would. Without thinking twice I floated straight to his room and locked the door behind me. Once I was in the middle of his room I floated cross legged and began to concentrate. "Azarath...Metrion...Zinthos!" Within minutes I landed in Nevermore._

_ Nevermore was looking darker than usual. Not surprising from all the horrible events going on. Once I stepped into it I knew immediately that something was horribly wrong. In the middle of the long road was a pink robed figure lying face down. My heart dropped. Happy. I rushed over to her and flipped her on her back. Happy's face was extremely pale. A bullet hole was in the middle of her chest. Blood soaking around the wound. She was dead. "Oh my God! Happy!"_

_ "Raven?"_

_ I looked up to see Timid standing by the archway. She looked so lost. "Timid," I said softly, standing up._

_ She ran over to me and flung her arms around my neck, sobbing. "P-please tell me it isn't t-true! B-B's not really d-dead!"_

_ A sob escaped my throat. I didn't have to worry about my powers while in Nevermore. I hugged her tightly. "He's dead," I confirmed sadly. "He died in my arms."_

_ Timid sobbed harder into my shoulder. "What happened to Happy?" I asked fearfully._

_ "She died during his funeral." Timid said softly_

_ I closed my eyes in devastation. I had no idea that my emotions were in this much turmoil. With Beast Boy and Happy both dead I knew that__ I was falling apart piece by piece._

_**Thanks for reading. Please review :)**  
_


	3. Chapter 3 December

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans I would make a life action movie and have Robin and Starfire hookup and Beast Boy and Raven hook up.

**Lost Without You**

** Chapter 3 December**

_**One month later**_

_Small projections of black aura surround me. In these small projections are my books which I put on my bookshelf. I glanced around the room. My transformation was complete. _

_ Since Beast Boy's death I had been unable to sleep in my bed, or be in my room in general. So I had decided to move into Beast Boy's room permanently. I condensed his bunk bed into just the lower bunk and moved all my items in. Even though he was gone, I could still feel his presence. _

_ Moving into Beast Boy's room wasn't the only change that had occurred in the tower. The atmosphere in the tower had become worse than ever; the Teen Titans barely seemed to exist. Cyborg had ceased his enthusiasm and Starfire had lost her cheerful spirit. In fact, it was hard to get her to talk at all. I didn't know what Beast Boy said in his notes to the others, but it was quite obvious that it was affecting them both. Robin seemed to be the only one who had remained the same. He had been doing everything he could to bring the morale back up. So far, no luck._

_ After making sure that my new room was in order, I walked down the hall toward the kitchen. I really needed some herbal tea. Besides it was lunch time. Maybe some food could take my mind off things. _

_ Before I reached the kitchen I passed Starfire's room. The door was open and I could hear sobbing coming from inside. It was unusual for Starfire to be in her dwellings. She usually spent all hours of the day in the kitchen. I stopped at her doorway. _

_ Starfire was sitting on her pink bed, Silkie beside her. A piece of paper was clutched in her hand. My heart went out to her. It was obvious she was having just a hard time with everything as I was. Comforting someone was never my forte, but I would try for my friend. _

_ "Starfire?" I asked quietly._

_ Her head snapped in my direction. "Oh Friend Raven! Do come in," she wiped her face, but more tears continued to fall. _

_ I sat next to her on the bed, on the opposite side of Silkie. I caught a glimpse of the paper in her hand. It was a letter; from Beast Boy. I patted her shoulder. "I miss him too."_

_ "I cannot believe that he is gone. All this does not seem real."_

_ "I know."_

_ A small silence passed between us. Starfire choked on a sob. "I feel so horrible, R-Raven. I did not treat him like I should have. And now it is too l-late to apologize."_

_ "None of us did," I responded sadly. "We never appreciated his cheerful nature, his j-jokes; his kind heart."_

_ "I should not have said all those horrible things," Starfire said almost to herself. "I should have laughed at his jokes, _really _laughed."_

_ "Huh?"_

_ Starfire forced a smile on her face and wiped her eyes again. "Nothing. Would you like to join me on a trip to the mall of shopping after battle practice? Perhaps we both shall feel better after some girl time."_

_ I considered her offer. I did need to get out of the tower for a while. But I needed to get some tea and meditate first. "We'll see. I need to meditate and have some lunch. I'll let you know after practice." _If I go, that is_ I thought. Lately I hadn't been showing up to battle practice. I couldn't get the motivation to go. _

_ Starfire gave me a quick bone crushing hug. Considering the circumstances, I let her. Then I left the room. When I reached the kitchen, I realized that Starfire's distress wasn't the only thing I was going to witness._

_ Cyborg was in the kitchen, frying something on the stove. I didn't think anything of it at first, until I noticed what he was cooking. "Uh, Cy?" I asked hesitantly._

_ "Hmm?" he answered absently. _

_ "Since when do you eat tofu?"_

_ "BB always said how good it is. I never gave him the benefit of the doubt. I owe it to him."_

_ I nodded in understanding. "I'm sure he'd appreciate what you're doing right now. After all, you were his best friend."_

_**CLATTER!**_

_I jumped out of my skin. Cyborg dropped the spatula he was holding. He buried his head into his robotic hands. "Oh BB. You'll never know how sorry I am for everything I did to you!"_

_ I raised my eyebrow. What was I missing? I knew that the others were wary of Beast Boy after he took the antidote. Did something happen that I wasn't aware of? I was about to ask Cyborg what he was taking about when he turned and left the room with his tofu meal._

_ I sighed and brewed my tea. Seeing the impact of Beast Boy's death on the others has made me sad. I needed to meditate. I ended up passing Robin on the way to my room, tea in hand. I offer him a weak smile. _

_ "Hey Raven," Robin greeted me. "Are you going to join us at battle practice this afternoon?"_

_ I probably should, since I hadn't done so in almost a week. But after everything I witnessed I didn't think it was a good idea. I could blow up the expensive training equipment. I looked at his face. Robin's face was blank, no emotion whatsoever. I shook my head._

_ "Sorry, but I just can't do it today. I _really_ need to meditate."_

_ I closed my door behind me. As I sipped my tea, I forced myself to attempt to clear my mind. I wasn't sure though how successful I was going to be. _

_BBRae_

_ **I entered the tower from the garage. My shoulders shook as the multitude of emotions ran through my veins. Nausea built at a rate so fast that I wasn't sure that I'd make it to the bathroom in time. Luckily it was just down the hall. **_

_** I barely made it to the toilet in time when my lunch came out. I vomited until there was nothing left. I leaned against the toilet, desperately trying to catch my breath. Once I was finished I glanced at my leotard and cloak, all covered in orange paint. This turned out to be a mistake for it jarred my emotions. **_

_** My throat tightened as the multitude of tears started to fall. I had never felt so alone in my entire life. The worst part was I had no idea what I did wrong, nor how to fix it. **_

_** "He was right," I thought miserably. "I can't do anything right."**_

_My eyes snapped open. Once I managed to remind myself of my new dwellings I sat up. I rubbed my head. What a strange dream. I was vaguely aware of the tears that were stained on my cheeks._

_ Most of the time I was able to decipher my dreams and their meanings, but not this one. Why was I covered in orange paint? Why was I so violently sick? What did my last thought in my dream mean?_

He was right. I can't do anything right.

_Slowly I laid back down and pulled the covers back over me. Exhaustion consumed me. I decided to analyze the dream tomorrow. Maybe then things would become clear. I fell back into hopefully a dreamless sleep._

**_Please review. _ Thanks**


	4. Chapter 4 A Disastrous Mission

(A\N: Hey guys, so sorry about the long wait. I kept hitting writer's block over and over again. But I got through it and the next chapter for you. It's a little long, but I hope you like it anyway. Please review. I would really appreciate it. Love, Ellivia22)

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans, I'd bring back the show the way it was. Though I'll give the new series Teen Titans Go! a chance :)

**Lost Without You**

** Chapter 4 A Disastrous Mission**

_"Thank you for taking this time to spend the day with me," Starfire said the next day. She took a sip of her usual bottle of mustard. "I know that it is not your thing."_

_ "No problem." I answered, ignoring the noise that surrounded us in the mall food court. "We both needed to get out of the tower for a while."_

_ To be honest this shopping trip hadn't been so bad. In fact it had been the most relaxing activity that I had done in a while. Plus it also seemed to help Starfire as well. She had almost gotten back to her cheerful self. I managed to find two new books to read, while Starfire bought several new outfits. I had to admit, the long knee length light green dress and matching earrings that she bought looked really great on her. Now that we were done with our shopping, we relaxed a bit as we had lunch. _

_ I finished my second slice of pizza as Starfire continued to talk about the latest fashion, and how she hoped that Robin would like what she bought. I had been trying to listen to her, yet a nagging thought kept ringing in my head._

_ What was the story behind Starfire and Cyborg's strange behavior yesterday? I wanted to ask Starfire, but this was the first time in a month that she's been this cheerful. I didn't want to ruin that. And yet, I'd spend another sleepless night if I didn't ask. _

_ "Starfire?"_

_ "Yes," she asked with a smile._

_ "I wanted to ask you-."_

_**BEEP BEEP!**_

_Suddenly both of our communicators went off. Trouble in the city, no doubt. Starfire answered her communicator first. "Robin?" She put the communicator on the table so we both could hear what he had to say._

_"There is trouble down at the old warehouse," Robin said. "And if Raven is still with you, please tell her that we need her. It's Slade."_

_ I spoke before Starfire could. "We'll be right there."_

_ We rose from our table. I took a big breath in preparation. This would be my first mission since Beast Boy's death. I hope I could be useful to the team. _

_ "Come on," I said to Starfire in my monotone. "Let's get going."_

_**BBRae**_

_Ten minutes later Starfire and I arrived outside the door of the warehouse. Robin and Cyborg were already there, waiting for us. "What does Slade want this time?" Cyborg asked._

_ "Who knows," Robin answered venomously, a tone he always reserved for Slade. "But this time we're going to bring him down! Let's go!"_

_ We entered the run down warehouse. The lights were dimmed, making it nearly impossible to see. There seemed to be more boxes and furniture in the warehouse than usual. Maybe it was because I hadn't been in here in a long time. I coughed as I inhaled the dusty air. The warehouse seemed empty._

_ "Be on your guard," Robin whispered to us. "Slade and his henchmen could be anywhere."_

_ A low chuckle echoed around the room. I fell into my ready stance, my hands glowing black. "Well, well. If it isn't the Teen Titans. Or what's left of them."_

_ I forced my emotions to stay under control. It wasn't easy. "Show yourself!" Robin commanded._

_ "As you wish."_

_ The lights of the warehouse turned on. We found ourselves surrounded by Slade's robotic army. Slade himself was perched on top of the highest stack of tan boxes. He looked completely relaxed. "What do you want," Robin snarled at his enemy._

_ Slade careless flicked a piece of dust off the box he was sitting on. "Not much. Just interested to see if you guys are able to fight crime without your green changeling. It's too bad he's dead. I was going to make him my new apprentice."_

_ Starfire let out a painful gasp; Cyborg's face lost a pigment of color. I forced myself to remain under control. "He _**never **_would've joined you!" I said furiously. _

_ "He was our friend!" Starfire sputtered out. _

_ "It didn't seem like it to me," Slade commented._

_ I looked at Robin, waiting for a signal. He seemed to be the only one unaffected by Slade's words. "We may have lost one, but we'll still take you down!" Slade chuckled at Robin's words. "Titans go!"_

_ We sprang into action. Robin and Cyborg used their practiced combo to take out the surrounding henchmen. Starfire and I rose high above the others. Starfire threw her starbolts at an alarming speed. I used my powers to grab the box Slade was sitting on and pulled it out from under him. Slade landed almost gracefully, then disappeared. I turned my attention back on helping my teammates. _

_ Quickly it became obvious that Slade's words had greatly affected the rest of the team. Starfire's starbolts were way off the intended target, which was unusual for her. Cyborg seemed to have forgotten his cannon and was charging the henchmen dead on, without much success. Robin's martial arts didn't have much power than before._

_ "Azarath Metrion Zinthos!" I chanted as I sent more boxes and other objects towards the __henchmen. This had little affect on them. What was wrong with me? Had the loss of Beast Boy weakened my powers? I gritted my teeth. I had to try harder._

_ "It's quite fascinating how you and your friends can pretend to care so much about your fallen teammate."_

_ I whirled around. Slade had appeared on the other side of me. I should ignore his words and continue fighting, but I didn't like the look on his face: a knowing smirk._

"_You don't know what you're talking about," I said, my voice shaking. "Losing Beast Boy was the worst thing that could ever happen to me." My eyes grew white as I warmed my hands. "But that's not going to stop me from protecting the city!"_

_ I threw numerous boxes and tables at my intended target. Slade dodged them easily. He leaped up and relaxed on one of the hanging lights. "To you, maybe. But not to your friends down there. In fact, I know they're not feeling the same amount of loss that you do right now."_

_ I didn't attack this time. Instead I stared at our enemy. "What are you talking about?"_

_ "Ah. You have no idea what your friends did to him, do you? I had thought you'd figure out by now that Beast Boy's closest friends were the cause of his suicide."_

_ My head spun as my emotions started to waver. Could Slade be telling the truth? Or was he just trying to get me to lose control of my emotions. _Azarath Metrion Zinthos! _I chanted fiercely in my head. "I don't believe you!" I used my powers to make the lights break._

_ "Believe me or not, I don't care. But soon you'll come to realize that soon they will do the same to you." Then he disappeared._

_ I turned my attention back to the battle. All of Slade's henchmen seemed to have disappeared with him. I floated down to join my teammates. Robin gave a frustrated sigh. "Come on team. Let's go home." Without saying a word, I followed the others._

_**RaeBB**_

_ Ten minutes later, Star, Cy, and I were sitting on the couch as Robin ranted in his after mission talk. I wasn't listening. _

_ What did Slade mean that we were the cause of Beast Boy's suicide? Did it have a connection with Star and Cy's strange behavior? What was I missing? Worst of all, how could I not know about it? Had I really been that blind? I had to find out, somehow._

_ I only tuned into Robin's speech when he started talking about our fallen friend. "Losing Beast Boy has been a devastating blow to our team. But we shouldn't let that stop us from doing our duty to the city. We have to accept the fact that he's gone and never coming back. We've got to be strong and move on." _

_ I felt a horrible pain in my stomach. I felt as though somebody had gutted me over again. Something was wrong with my emotions. It must have been the combination of the mission and Robin's __words. I glanced at the rest of my teammates. Starfire had tears running down her face. Cyborg's eyes looked like they were blinking his back. "I'm going to work on a new battle plan. I'll see you guys for dinner." Robin finished._

_ I rose to my chair and hurried to my bedroom. I shut the door behind me. I was starting to feel really sick. I felt shaky, and painful jabs on the inside. Quickly I crossed my legs in mid air and entered Nevermore to see what was wrong._

_ I landed in Nevermore. My eyes widened in horror at the sight in front of me. Bodies everywhere, the ground soaked in blood. Different colored cloaks scattered the area. I hurried over and checked each emotion. Dead. All of them: Peace, Lust, Sarcasm . My hand gently laid on a still Brave. A large knife with a black handle protruded from her chest, soaking her green cloak in blood. _

_ Suddenly Brave moaned and opened her eyes halfway. "Raven?"_

_ Gritting my teeth, I pulled the knife out of her chest. Then I covered her wound with my hand. "What happened?" I demanded. My heart pounded hard in my chest as I dreaded the answer. _

_ Brave coughed, blood rolling down her chin. "W-we were attacked," she said hoarsely._

_ "By who?" I asked in fear._

_ Her face went paler. I pressed harder on her wound in effort to keep her alive longer. "B-beware of the one in the black cloak," her eyes fell shut. She was dead. _

_ I stared at her limp form, horrified. Tears slid down my cheeks. What in the hell was going on here? Why were all my emotions dying? Who was the one in the black cloak? I knew who to ask: Knowledge. Gently I set Brave back on the ground. Then I flew through Nevermore to get to Knowledge's domain. More tears leaked from my eyes as I saw more dead emotions. I couldn't believe this was happening. I quickly knocked on her door. I didn't see her lying dead with the other emotions. I hoped with all my being that meant she was still alive._

_**Knock! Knock!**_

_She opened the door by a crack. Once she saw it was me, she opened it wider. "Raven! Come in, and quickly."_

_ I entered. Knowledge's place was yellow and full of books. That was no surprise to me, since she knew everything. Her yellow walls were covered with pictures of Beast Boy: him playing the game station, him smiling, me hugging him after Malchior betrayed me. Apparently Knowledge loved him just as much as I did. _

_ I sank into a chair. "What's happening?"_

_ Knowledge sighed wearily, taking off her glasses. "After BB's death, four emotions surfaced: Anguish, Guilt, Grief, and Longing. They started attacking the other emotions."_

_ "T-they started with Happy," I said sadly._

_ She nodded. "They have grown powerful. They struck again tonight. They killed most of us. I __barely managed to get away."_

_ I wiped the tears off my face. "What should I do?"_

_ "I wish I could tell you. But you've got to do something. I"m afraid that I might be next. The only thing I suggest is you get out of the tower more and do more things to cheer yourself up. Spend some time with our friends. Maybe that will help."_

_ I suddenly remembered what Brave said. "Who is the emotion in the black cloak."_

_ Knowledge's eyes widen in fear. "That's the emotion you must watch out for the most of all: Despair. If Despair takes over, there is no hope of coming back. You will feel empty, like you have no purpose in life. The only thing you can think about is Death and how eager you are to meet it."_

_ My heart dropped to my stomach. "That's what happened to Beast Boy, isn't it?" I asked quietly._

_ She nodded sadly, her violet eyes moving to a photo of Beast Boy and I watching the moon together. "After Despair hit him, he had no chance of coming back. He had no chance of being the BB we loved."_

_ "If only I knew what made him fall so far."_

_ Knowledge tilted her head to the side thoughtfully. "I bet if you search around the bedroom you might be able to find the answer."_

_ I stood up quickly. She was right. The answer had to be somewhere in the bedroom. I just had to find it-and fast. Otherwise the rest of my remaining emotions would be doomed. Knowledge stood up too. I hugged her tightly. Thanks for the advice. Be safe. I'll do my best to save you and the others."_

_ I exited Nevermore. I opened my eyes, then floated to the ground in the middle of my bedroom. Time to start my search. But where to begin? Suddenly I heard a sound as if a drawer was opened. _

_ I glanced at Beast Boy's desk. The top drawer was open. It wasn't open before. That had to be a sign to start my search there. When I looked in the drawer I immediately recognized the brown leather bound book. It was in my pile when Beast Boy committed suicide. I had placed it in here and totally forgot about it. But what was it? When I opened the book, the words on the first page gave me the answer._

**The personal writings of Garfield Mark Logan**

_Beast Boy's journal._

**Please review. Thanks. **


	5. Chapter 5 The Truth

(A\N: This is my favorite chapter so far. I really hope you guys like it. Please review and tell me what you think. I would really appreciate it. Thanks :)

Disclaimer: When I rule the world I will make sure Teen Titans is mine. Unfortunately it doesn't look like that's going to be happening anytime soon. Darn :(

**Lost Without You**

** Chapter 5 The Truth**

_I stared at the leather bound book in my hands. Beast Boy's journal. This was it. This held the answers that I was looking for. My heart thudded. I was scared to learn what really happened. But I needed to know._

_ Holding my breath, I began to read. Right off the bat I could tell that for some unknown reason Beast Boy had a different side to him; an intellectual side. I was impressed by how articulate he was. He noted in a lot of his entries how he had the strong desire to prove himself. I smiled as I finished reading the last sentence in an entry he wrote last year. _

_ ** The adventure with Raven in her mind has given me insight on my feelings. I think that I might be in love with her.**_

_Before I could read another entry, the pages flipped fast. My violet hair blew because of the small draft of air it caused. This was not normal. After all, I had all the windows closed. My heart pounded when I felt Beast Boy's presence in the room. He was here to show me the answer. The pages stopped flipping abruptly. I immediately focused my eyes at the top of the page and began to read._

_ **October 29**_

_** For the first time in my life I am consumed with emotions. The worst part is, they're not good emotions. I feel extremely hurt and utterly confused. It all started yesterday morning, the day after the antidote ran its course through my system.**_

_** At first I thought my friends were just getting used to me being my old self. Now I know that the others are still scared of me because of the Beast within me. Even worse, they possibly hate me. **_

_** First it was Starfire. I thought she forgave me for everything I had done in beast form. However, every time I speak to her she winces as if I was a cockroach she had found. The worst part of all is, she lied to my face. I asked if she wanted help cooking and she declined. Then she allowed Robin to help her. It hurt, really hurt.**_

_** This morning I had hoped that everything between Star and I would be back to normal. Unfortunately that's not the case. When I passed by her and Robin during lunch she gave me a terrified look. It hurts just thinking about it. She's not the only one who has changed.**_

_** Then there's Robin's changed attitude towards me. Ever since I met him, I admired him for being so strong and brave, even without powers. I knew he never really liked me for some reason. Now whenever I see him he glares at me with such mistrust. I feel small and weak. I think he hates me now.**_

_** Raven seems to be the only one who treats me the same. She holds me at arms' length like she always does. I guess that I just need to stay away from her so that I won't be a bother to her anymore. **_

_** The last part of this entry is going to be the hardest to write, but I have to. Otherwise I won't be able to sleep tonight. This afternoon I learned that I have lost my best friend. He doesn't care ****about me anymore. **_

_** I only wanted to talk to Cyborg, confide in him. I tried so hard to get him to listen to me, to be there for me. Instead I ended up ruining our friendship by messing up. God, why do I always mess up? I guess Cyborg is right: I can't do anything right. I know he'll never forgive me now since I got orange paint all over his car. I can't write anymore. I think I'm going to be sick again.**_

_My eyes grew wide as I finished the entry. Orange paint? I suddenly understood the meaning of the dream I had the other night. Since I was sleeping in Beast Boy's bed I was dreaming about his memories. My stomach tightened. By reading his words I could feel the emotions he felt. If only I knew before. _

_ Silently I continued to read as Beast Boy's entries become darker as the days passed by. He wrote about how he avoided us as much as possible . Instead of feeling better I knew that he felt worse. The only time I smiled was when he talked about how much I meant to him. I felt my heart begin to break as I read the entry on November 3rd-almost two months ago. I noticed that the pages were softer than usual. The entry was blotted with what looked like tear stains._

_ **November 3**_

_** My life has turned for the worst. I have learned today that things will never get better. My teammates will never treat me the same again. I've lost everything: my friends, my dignity, my potential. If only I could turn back the clock. **_

_** We had a big battle with Slade this morning. I was determined to prove my worth. Robin had given me a special job to do during the mission. I knew that I couldn't let him down. As always, I completely screwed up.**_

_** I got distracted when I shouldn't have and got stabbed by one of Slade's henchmen. Slade got away and it was all my fault. I failed my friends and the citizens of Jump City. I had never felt so ashamed and humiliated in my life. **_

_** The reaction from my teammates was horrible. I had so many insults thrown at me it was unbelievable. All from people that I thought I could trust with anything. Each insult tore a piece of my soul. Everything they said was true though. **_

_** Once the team left me to bleed on the street I did some serious thinking. It's quite obvious that the team doesn't want me around anymore. No matter where I go, I'll never forget the awful things they said to me. I don't want to live.**_

_** My mind is made up. I'm going to end my life so that everyone will be rid of someone as worthless as I. First I have to put my soul at ease. I have to say goodbye to my teammates. Especially Raven. She has to know the truth about my feelings for her, even though she thinks I'm a jerk. I plan for my death to be in the next few days. I can't wait. **_

_I swallowed the lump in my throat. I had no idea that he took my words of frustration to heart. I didn't mean what I said that day. I had no idea how fragile he was. I turned the page of the journal with a shaky hand. This time, the entry was covered in dark bloodstains. It was almost difficult to read. I suddenly remembered the deep cut on Beast Boy's arm._

_ **November 4**_

_** I'm sorry that this entry is getting covered with blood. To be honest, I don't feel my arm bleeding at all. My head is spinning. So much for trying to ease my troubling thoughts. **_

_** Starfire hates me now, I'm sure of it. It's probably because of the battle yesterday. She did call me useless, after all. I told her my final joke today. She pretended to be a friend and enjoy it, but I could tell in her eyes that wanted nothing to do with me. I wish with all my might that this was just a dream. If it was then I could wake up and everything would be back to normal. She was a good friend. I'm going to miss her.**_

_**November 5**_

_** The tower is quiet. I don't know if that makes me feel better or worse. Nobody is here to put me down. On the other hand, I feel more alone than ever. I honestly don't know myself anymore. I am so messed up.**_

_** I begged, pleaded with Robin to let me train with the others, but he said no. He was right to. I'm too worthless, like he said. I'd just screw up again. I wonder how I managed to stay on the team this long. I hate myself. **_

_** Raven knows that something's wrong. I don't have the strength to tell her. She sat beside me briefly in the gym after I talked to Robin. She touched my face and hands with such great care. Her touch made me feel so good for a brief moment. I bet she thinks I'm sick. She's probably glad so that I won't bother her. Her touch kept me from jumping ahead of schedule. **_

_** I stole the gun from the evidence room while the others were on a mission. My death will hopefully be quick and painless. Only a couple of days left.**_

_My body continued to shake as the multitude of emotions were desperately trying to come out. I was so close to losing control. I had never been so angry. '_Azarath Metrion Zinthos!'

_**November 6**_

_**It's almost time. I am getting anxious. I almost didn't wait. I received another harsh blow from someone who used to be my best friend. Only the thought of saying goodbye to Raven stopped me.**_

_** This afternoon, I caught Cyborg dumping my tofu down the sink. All of it. It was so devastating to watch. I had no idea that I meant so little to him. I thought we were friends; best friends. I was very wrong. Cyborg was right. I am stupid. I'm stupid enough to believe that I deserve to have friends.**_

_** I wish I had the courage to ask my teammates what I did wrong and how I could fix it. I am too broken down. Soon I'll be with my parents in the after life. I've missed them for so long. The person on this earth that I will miss this most is Raven. She's the only one I ever truly loved.**_

_** I must get some sleep. My final entry will be in a few hours. Until then, take care, my friend. **_

_The last entry in Beast Boy's journal contained only one sentence. _

_ **Forgive me, Raven.**_

_THUMP!_

_As I closed the journal with a snap, I hear a large thumping sound. It sounded like the television in the living room hit the floor or something. It was probably because of my emotions. I was too pissed to care. I hated them; all of them. I could feel my control slipping as Rage started to consume me. Slade was right. It wasn't just my fault that Beast Boy was dead. The others were the cause too, even more so. I hated myself the most for being so blind. _

_ The door to my room opened. "Raven, what happened?" Robin asked in concern. _

_ My head snapped up. I saw Robin, Cyborg, and Starfire standing by the door with concern on their faces. As I looked at my former friends, I lost all control as my dominant emotion at the moment took over: Rage._

_ **Rage**_

_I grinned evilly as I took total control of Raven's body. In my own way, I loved Beast Boy more than anything. His turmoil and memories were too much for me to bear. It was time for me to teach the others a lesson. It was time for them to pay! I rose higher than my usual height. I glared down at my teammates with my four red eyes. "HOW DARE YOU! ALL OF YOU!"_

_ Starfire ran into Robin's arms, shaking violently. Robin and Cyborg stared at me in horror. "Raven! Calm down!" Robin gasped._

_ "IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT BEAST BOY IS DEAD! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT HE TOOK HIS OWN LIFE! IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT I LOST THE MOST IMPORTANT PERSON IN MY LIFE!"_

_ The three Titans started shaking violently. "N-no!" Cyborg stammered. "We didn't kill him."_

_ "LIAR!" I screamed. I pointed an angry finger at an extremely terrified Starfire. "YOU CALLED HIM USELESS! YOU PRETENDED TO BE HIS FRIEND WHEN HE DESPERATELY NEEDED ONE. HE SAW RIGHT THROUGH YOU! HE KNEW YOU WERE TERRIFIED OF HIM! YOUR ACTIONS HURT HIM DEEP INSIDE! HE MUTILATED HIMSELF BECAUSE OF YOU!"_

_ Starfire burst into tears and buried her head into Robin's shoulder. Robin glared at me, but I didn't care. I moved to the next person. Cyborg, who was trembling so hard that his metal parts rattled. _

_ "YOU! YOU CALLED HIM STUPID! HE MADE ONE MISTAKE AND YOU LASHED OUT! YOU BROKE DOWN HIS CONFIDENCE! YOU MADE HIM LOSE TRUST IN EVERYONE AND HIMSELF! WORST OF ALL, WHEN YOU DUMPED HIS TOFU, YOU SHATTERED HIM! HE LOOKED UP TO YOU, LOVED YOU AS A BEST FRIEND! YOU SHATTERED HIM!"_

_ As I ranted, black tentacles surround each of my so called friends and squeezed them tight. Cyborg's face lost color as his eyes went wide, either from the tentacles or what I just said. I snarled at him and turned my attention to the person who was the main cause of Beast Boy's suicide: Robin. I glared furiously into his masked face._

_ "AND YOU! YOU ARE THE WORST OF THEM ALL! ALL THE TIMES YOU PUT HIM DOWN AND TREATED HIM LIKE HE WAS NOTHING RUINED HIS SELF ESTEEM! HE ADMIRED YOU, RESPECTED YOU! IT WAS YOUR HARSH WORDS THAT PUSHED HIM OVER THE EDGE! DESPAIR HIT HIM SO HARD BECAUSE YOU CALLED HIM WORTHLESS AND PATHETIC! YOU HUMILIATED HIM, DESTROYED HIM! YOU TOOK HIM AWAY FROM ME! I WILL NEVER FORGIVE YOU!" I glared down at them. All three of them were turning a light blue. "ANY OF YOU!"_

_I was about to finish them off when Raven started taking control again. I breathed heavily as I released my grip on the Titans. My eyes changed from four to two, and I shrank in size. At least I was able to say all I needed to say. I stalked back to my domain in Nevermore as Raven took full control again. _


	6. Chapter 6 Raven's Wish

(A\N: Thank you guys so much for your support! I really appreciate it! I just guessed about the date, so I apologize if I'm wrong. Take care. Love, Ellivia22)

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans the original series would've had more BB\Rae. What can I say, I'm a loyal fan :D

**Lost Without You**

** Chapter 6 Raven's Wish**

_The sun rose high on January 16__th__, like any other day. The birds outside chirped their routine, unaware of what day it was. It wasn't just any day. According to his journal entries, today was Beast Boy's birthday. He would've been fifteen._

_ I had spent most of the morning in deep meditation. I had to, otherwise Rage would resurface again. I was still extremely angry at the other Titans because of what I learned. If I saw them again it would be even harder to keep Rage from finishing them off. They deserve it, but I'm not like my father. I do not kill people. The Titans have been smart to stay away from me since Rage appeared._

_ This afternoon I planned to visit my depressing cafe for a change then stop by the mall to pick up something to honor Beast Boy's birthday. This evening I was going to visit his grave-something I hadn't done since he was laid to rest. _

_**Knock Knock**_

_I floated to the ground. Which Titan was brave enough to knock on my door? I tried to ignore it, but the knocking persisted, more urgently this time. I gritted my teeth, prepared to let whoever it is feel my wrath (and hopefully not letting Rage out in the process.)_

_ I swung the door open with a bang. "WHAT?!"_

_ Starfire stood outside my door, her entire body shaking in fear. "I-I just wanted to say goodbye."_

_ I noticed that she had two enormous pink bags at her feet, both completely full. It looked like she had packed her entire room in them. Her red hair was messed up, and it looked like she hurriedly put on her outfit. I crossed my arms, but said nothing. I was not in a forgiving mood. She made sure to avoid my gaze. "I am returning to Tamaran. I cannot stay here any longer. It haunts me."_

_ "As it should. You deserve it," I said icily._

_ Tears fell down Star's face. "I know. I had no right to treat Beast Boy the way I did. You have no idea how much I regret it and wish I could take it all back." She choked on a sob. "I hate myself so much."_

_ I thought about all the nights since Rage's appearance that I would hear Starfire cry herself to sleep. I also thought of the times I caught her crying in her room, or in the kitchen. I knew that of the three Titans, she held the most remorse._

_ "I want to forgive you, Starfire, I really do. But I can't. Beast Boy ended his life because of your actions. Because of you I lost the one person I truly loved." My cold gaze subsides slightly as I looked at my former friend for the last time. "Good luck in Tamaran." Then I slammed the door shut again._

**_BBRae_**

_Fifteen minutes later I entered the living room. I was on my way out to start my plans for the __afternoon and prepare for tonight. I stopped short when I realized that I wasn't alone. Starfire was standing by the silver elevator doors with her two pink bags over her shoulders. Silkie was under her arm, resting on top of one of the bags. Robin was grasping her wrist tight, extreme distress on his face. Cyborg stood a distance, right behind the couch, also watching the scene before us. _

_ "Starfire, please,'" Robin said in an unnaturally high pitched voice. "Don't go."_

_ Starfire hung her head slightly. "I am sorry, Robin, but I must."_

_ "Why?"_

_ "Because I cannot forget what I have done to Friend Beast Boy, and how my actions had hurt him and Friend Raven. There are too many haunting memories. Especially today."_

_ "What's today?" Robin asked._

_ "BB's birthday," Cyborg said quietly. Robin glanced at Cyborg briefly, then turned his attention back to Starfire. I stared at both Starfire and Cyborg. I didn't know that both of them remembered what today was. For the first time I noticed that Cyborg's human eye looked bloodshot. Starfire's eyes were growing green as she glared at Robin._

_ "You had no idea, did you, Robin? Or you just did not care, because you hate Beast Boy. You probably always have! That is why you were so against us hanging out with him when this whole mess started!"_

_ Robin looked as if she caught him off guard. He opened his mouth but no words would come out. Starfire sighed. "It does not matter. The point is Friend Beast Boy is no longer here because of my actions, all of our actions. I shall try to repair my troubled heart by returning to Tamaran. Goodbye, friends."_

_ She pulled herself out of Robin's grip and entered the open elevator. "I love you, Starfire. Please don't go!" Robin pleaded._

_ Starfire stared at him for a long second. "Goodbye Robin," she whispered. Then the elevator doors shut tightly before Robin could take another step._

_Instead of going after her, the Boy Wonder crumbled for the first time ever. He fell to his knees, his head buried in his hands. I was too far away to see if he was shedding tears. His shoulders shook violently._

_I felt no sympathy toward Robin. I felt extremely justified instead. I knew I shouldn't, but I couldn't help it. Robin now knew what it felt like to lose someone you truly loved. He deserved it. He was the one who hurt Beast Boy the most._

_ I glared at Robin coldly, not caring if he couldn't see it. "Now you know what feels like to lose your true love."_

_Using my powers I teleported myself out of the tower. I had to get everything ready for tonight._

**_RaeBB_**

_ The stars shone bright as I made my way through the Jump City cemetery later that night. It __was cold, and the snow was deep. There were countless rows of headstones belonging to the citizens of the city who had passed on before. Since Beast Boy was a hero he was placed in a separate part in the cemetery, near the middle. The lamps were still on in the cemetery, so I had no problem finding my destination._

_ Beast Boy's headstone was made of a smooth black stone, provided by the city. In the left hand corner was a green dove. It was obvious that I wasn't the only one who had paid respect on his birthday. Countless bouquets of flowers were laid on the grave. It also looked like both Cyborg and Starfire were here too. Right below the gold letters that marked his name was a green book called "The World's Greatest Jokes", along side what looked and smelled like a large Tupperware containing lots of tofu and a bottle of barbecue sauce._

_ Slowly I went to my knees and placed the wrapped video game beside Starfire and Cyborg's gifts. I read the headstone._

**_Garfield Mark Logan_**

_** born: January 16, 1990**_

_** died: November 7, 2004**_

_** A true hero**_

_A tear slid down my cheek, followed by another. I hadn't cried in two weeks. It felt good to let a little emotion out. "I miss you," I whispered, stroking the smooth headstone gently. "You have no idea how unbearable the tower is without you. I understand why you left. To be honest, I don't blame you."_

_ I squeezed my eyes shut tight. I sighed miserably. "I wish I could see you again."_

_ "Then open your eyes, Raven."_

_ The voice rang out in the silent cemetery. I thought it was just my imagination at first, because it was so soft. Then it spoke again, a little louder this time. This time I recognized the voice._

_ "It's all right."_

_ I opened my eyes, then shut them tight again. It wasn't possible. When I opened them a second time I realized that what I was seeing was true. "B-Beast Boy?" I stuttered._

_ It was as if I was staring at Beast Boy through a misted window, but he was there. He was standing beside his grave, right in front of me. His skin was still green, but extremely pale. There were dark stains on his purple and black uniform. My heart pounded, still unable to believe what I was seeing._

_ "You left me," I said, still staring at him._

_ His ears dropped slightly. "I know. I'm sorry."_

_ I wanted so badly to wrap my arms around him and kiss him, but I knew that there was no point. My fingers would go right through him. "I don't blame you for ending your life. The others were so cruel to you. I wish I knew sooner. Worst of all, I wish I had told you how I felt sooner."_

_ "But you did tell me, and it comforted me greatly in my last moments. Because of your confession I had the ability to remain close to you." _

_ I smiled as I remembered all the times I felt his presence. "I bought you a video game. You know, for your birthday."_

_ His face broke into a toothy grin, something I hadn't seen in forever. "Wow thanks. Things really have changed."_

_ "Yeah," My eyes lowered to my hands. "The team hasn't been the same. I know Star and Cy are really missing you and feel very remorseful. Robin is still a cold bastard, probably always will be."_

_ Beast Boy knelt in front of me. His face turned serious again. "You need to forgive him, Raven. The others too. I have."_

_"I don't know if I can. They're the reason you're-." I couldn't bring myself to utter the word 'dead.'_

_ "If you don't, it will destroy you in the end. I know what's going on with your emotions. The only way to save them is by moving on. Go on with your life. Then when the time comes, we will be together again."_

_ I swallowed the large lump in my throat. He wanted me to forget about him. There was no way I could do that, nor did I think I had the strength to forgive the others. I promised myself to try; for Beast Boy. "I'll try."_

_**DING!**_

_ The clock tower that was located in the middle of Jump City started to strike loudly. I glanced at my communicator. Midnight. _

_"I have to go. Now that I have finally seen you one last time I can journey to the afterlife and be with my parents. It's time." __I knew that Beast Boy wasn't going to be with me forever, but I wasn't ready for him to leave yet. He looked at me seriously once more. "Promise me something, Raven."_

**_DING!_**

_The clock continued to strike, but I ignored it. "Anything." _

_ "Promise me you won't end your life just so you can be with me."_

_ I nodded, a tear spilling down my cheek. "I promise."_

**_DING!_**

_ Beast Boy's already almost transparent form started to fade. He reached out and touched my cheek. Even though I couldn't feel his touch, my insides felt warm. "Goodbye, my Raven. I love you."_

_ "Goodbye Beast Boy. I love you, too."_

**_DING!_**

_When I blinked again, he was gone._


	7. Chapter 7 Troubling Emotions

A:/N: Hey guys! Sorry about the wait. I really hope you like this chapter. Please continue to review. I really appreciate it. Take care. Love, Ellivia22

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans I would drive BB's moped :D

**Lost Without You**

** Chapter 7 Troubling Emotions **

_The next morning I woke up feeling overwhelmed and sad. It was so wonderful to see Beast Boy last night and I was glad that he would finally be at rest. Yet I was sad that I wouldn't feel his presence again. I was going to miss him so much._

_ After a long, hot shower, I entered the kitchen to prepare some herbal tea. It was going to be another day of meditating, reading, and going to my depressing cafe-a routine I haven't done in a while. I noticed that Cyborg was sitting on the couch. A racing game was on the new big screen TV, a blue and white car and a green car still at the start line. _

_ I stared at Cyborg as I made my tea. His head was in his robotic hands. His metal shoulders were shaking. A part of me wanted to comfort him, but I was still very angry._

You need to forgive him, Raven. The others too. I have.

_I swallowed the lump in my throat. Beast Boy was right. It did me no good to hate the others, even if they deserved it. I was a long way from completely forgiving them though. That was going to take some time. _

_ Making a decision, I grabbed my ready herbal tea and entered the living room. I sat on the couch, quite a ways from the robotic man. He didn't seem to notice me. "Hello Cyborg," I said in my monotone._

_ Cyborg lifted his head. His human eye was fearful for a second. It was obvious he hadn't forgotten about Rage's appearance. "Hi Raven," he answered cautiously._

_ "I saw what you placed on Beast Boy's grave yesterday. That was a lot of tofu."_

_ He made sure to avoid looking at me. "It was the least I could do. I owe it to him. After all I did to him." I watched as he wiped a tear from the corner of his eye._

_ "Why did you do it?" I asked, barely able to keep my voice from rising. "Why did you dump his tofu, something that mattered so much to him?"_

_ Cyborg sighed heavily. "It's complicated." I waited silently for him to give me an explanation. "It started when BB got doused with those chemicals while fighting Adonis at the lab. His change of attitude was so strange, so unlike him. I knew he was not himself, but the way he talked back to me really hurt. Especially while the antidote was running through his system. He told me that I disgusted him because I liked eating meat. _

_ "Then Robin kept telling us to stay away from BB-that he was dangerous. I didn't want to believe Robin, but I had seen the damage BB did to the city while in Beast form. So to be cautious I did everything I could to push him away. I knew I said things that I shouldn't have. I know that I really hurt him. _

_ "To be honest, the only reason I dumped his tofu was because I wanted to hurt him like he hurt me. I just took it way too far. The devastated look on his face will haunt me for as long as I live. I __don't think I'll ever forgive myself for causing BB's suicide. Especially since I never got the chance to tell him how sorry I am for everything."_

_ I stared at Cyborg for a long time as he buried his face again. The broken and self hatred in his voice made my anger subside considerably. Just like Starfire, I could tell that he was truly sorry. Maybe I could forgive him someday._

_ I put my now empty tea cup on the coffee table. "I realize that you regret your actions towards Beast Boy. I know that you miss him terribly." I paused as Cyborg lifted his head to look at me. This time he made eye contact. "I love Beast Boy with all my heart and it hurt so much that he killed himself because of your actions. However, since Beast Boy has forgiven you, I feel that I should be able to as well. It's just going to take me some time."_

_ Cyborg stared at me. "H-how do you know that he has forgiven me?"_

_ I smiled slightly as I thought about last night. "This may be hard to believe, but Beast Boy came to see me last night when I visited his grave. Well, his ghost anyway. It was so creepy, but I felt comforted when he started talking to me. He told me that he had forgiven you and the others. He told me to go on with my life and to forgive you guys too. He's finally at peace now and with his parents."_

_ Understanding flooded his face. He must've realized how extraordinary this world was. "I'm glad BB got to see you again. He loved you a lot."_

_ "I know."_

_ A small silence passed between us. "I know this isn't your thing," Cyborg said hesitantly. "But would you play with me?" he pointed at the TV screen where the two cars still sat at the start line. _

_ I almost immediately said no but stopped myself. I had never touched a video game in my life. I wouldn't be much of a challenge since I would have no idea what I was doing. On the other hand it might be good for my emotions to have some fun for a change. _

_ I moved a little closer to Cyborg. "Only if you show me how."_

_ For the first time in months, Cyborg smiled. He handed me the second controller and proceeded to tell me about each of the buttons. "The A button is the accelerator, B is the brake. You use these arrows to move your car in the desired direction. Got it?"_

_ I nodded. It seemed simple enough. However after we created my car, dark blue, and started to race, I realized it wasn't so easy. Not used to the controller I ended up pushing the wrong buttons at the wrong time, and my car went off the track a few times. Plus it was hard to concentrate since the volume was up extremely high. The cheering of the crowd rang loudly in my ears. _

_ It wasn't until race four that I started getting the hang of it. In fact this was starting to become fun. I wondered why I never tried this before. _

_ My heart thudded as my car loomed closely behind Cyborg's. Only a couple of inches. _Come on_, I thought, pressing hard on the A button. The black and white checkered finish line was up ahead. _You can do this.

_With an extra burst of speed, my car zoomed past Cyborg's and crossed the finish line. I had beaten him by ten seconds. "YES!" I cried in triumph, my fist pumped in the air. _

_ Cyborg grinned at me. "Great job, Raven. BB would've been proud."_

_ In my excitement the hallway light shattered. I smiled guilty. "Oops." I placed the controller on the coffee table. My heart was still accelerated from the excitement of the game. Using my powers I levitated my empty tea cup to the kitchen sink. I needed to meditate, just to make sure that my emotions were okay. "I guess that means I should meditate."_

_ Cyborg nodded. "Thanks for playing."_

_ "No problem." I headed back to my room and prepared myself for deep meditation._

_**BBRae **_

_ Two hours later I laid straight on my bed, a book propped against my knees. I was in better spirits. When I checked on my emotions I learned that they were doing much better. There had been no more attacks on them. Even better, Happy was back. She was very weak, but alive. It looked like I might be able to save my emotions after all._

_ I turned the page of the book I bought when I went shopping with Starfire. It was an interesting story so far, about a girl whose drawings told the future. _

_ ***Knock Knock***_

_I gritted my teeth as I was pulled out of my book. Just because I've shown less anger didn't mean that I wanted to be interrupted. Without getting up I used my powers to slide the door open. Cyborg was there, looking extremely nervous. _

_ "What now?" I asked irritably._

_ "I'd just thought you'd like to know that Robin is gone. When I went to work on my car I noticed that the T-ship was missing. I bet he went after Starfire."_

**He's gone?** _Rage boomed in my mind. _**Damn. I wanted to beat his face in.**

_I ignored Rage, even though a part of me agreed with her. "I hate to say this, but I'm not sorry to see him go. He has shown no remorse for his role in everything."_

_ Cyborg nodded silently. He still looked really worried. "Does that mean that the Teen Titans are finished?" I stared at him. "I mean first we lost BB, then Star left, now Robin. Should we disband and move on with our lives?"_

_ I thought long and hard before I answered him. "It's our duty to protect the civilians here and we should continue to do so. However, there's a big problem with my emotions right now. Do you remember Brave, the green emotion, and Happy, the pink one?" Cyborg nodded. "They were both murdered by darker emotions right after Beast Boy's death. Happy had just managed to come back because our time with the game console, but she is very weak at the moment._

_ Other emotions have perished too, and not have been as lucky as Happy. To be honest I haven't had the strength, nor the will to fight crime. I'm afraid that if things don't get better I will follow the same path Beast Boy did."_

_ I swallowed hard, weighing my options. "I think we should wait a bit. If Robin is successful in bringing back Starfire we can resume where we left off." Robin's name came out venomously. "Then it would be easier to try to forgive and bring my emotions back to normal."_

_ "And if Robin and Starfire don't come back?"_

_ "Well, if you still want to fight crime maybe you can go to the Titan's East with Speedy and Bumblebee. I might go back to Azarath to see my mother and the monks who raised me. They might have suggestions on how to improve my situation. We'll see."_

_ "Okay." Cyborg turned to leave. "I'll contact Speedy and let him know about our situation."_

_ My eyes went back to my book. My powers slammed the door shut again. I tried in vain to concentrate on my book, but it was impossible. My emotions were reeling in anger._

**That rat bastard has escaped justice**_ Rage said furiously in my head. _**I will not rest until I am able to crush every single bone in his body!**

But BB told us to forgive Robin, _Timid said softly_. Maybe we should take his advice and let it go.

**Why should we let it go? **_Rage answered angrily. _**Robin is the reason we lost Beast Boy in the first place! Don't forget all those horrible things Robin said to him! Robin deserves to pay for what he did! He deserves to suffer!**

Using violence is not going to bring Beast Boy back _I argued._

_ **No, but it will help ease our torment **a voice I realized was the emotion Anguish. Her voice was just as loud as Rage's ** We can rest easier knowing that our love has some justice!**_

What do you mean rest easier?_ I asked my emotions nervously. I didn't like the direction this conversation was going._

**We can't live without BB any longer **_Longing moaned in my mind. Her voice shook and I could tell that she was crying. _**W-we want to end it and be with him forever.**

_My heart pounded hard in my chest. Knowledge wasn't kidding when she said that my new dark emotions were very powerful. Getting my emotions back to normal was going to be much harder than I thought. It took all the strength I had to keep my voice firm. _We promised him we weren't going to end it. I am **_not_** going to break that promise!

_I sighed wearily as I shut my emotions off. I didn't want to admit it, but I hoped that Robin and Starfire came back. It was my only chance to save my emotions and keep my promise to Beast Boy. _


	8. Chapter 8 February

A\N: Hey guys! Sorry about the wait. I hope you enjoy this chapter, and I really hope you like the poem in this chapter. Please review, thanks

Disclaimer: I tried to get someone to sell Teen Titans to me, but no luck. It's still not mine :(

**Lost Without You**

** Chapter 8 February**

_I leaned against the small booth I was sitting at. An attractive goth with shaggy red hair stood on the stage. A bright light shone on him as he read a long poem. Like most of the poems that are read here, his was about suffering and death. _

_ For once I wasn't paying attention. Instead I had been trying to engrave every single detail of this cafe permanently in my mind. The dark interior, the candles lit among the walls, the regulars I occasionally talked to, and Cara, the cafe owner. I was going to miss it all a lot. When the sun set I was going to grab my things, visit Beast Boy's grave one last time, then return to Azarath. I was going to have the monks who raised me wipe my memory so I could start a new life. I was ready to move on._

_ The people around me began to clap as the redhead finished his poem. I followed suit, even though I didn't hear a single word. My eyes focused on the piece of paper that was lying next to my empty lunch plate. My stomach churned nervously._

_ For the first time ever I was going to read a poem out loud. It was totally not like me, but I felt like it was the best way to bring Peace back to life and stabilize my emotions at last. Also in the poem, I would be saying goodbye to this cafe, my former teammates, the now empty tower, and most importantly: to Beast Boy._

_ Cara stepped on the stage. She was a 34 year old woman wearing a long black and red dress. Her long blonde braid rested down her back. Nobody would've guessed that she owned the place, since her clothes were always just as dark as the customers. She sure knew how to run a business though, for this place was always crowded. She tapped on the microphone to get the audience to fall silent._

_ "We have time for one last reading for this lunch session," she said in a deep voice. "Any volunteers?"_

_ A small silence passed through the crowded tables. It was now or never. I swallowed my fear and stood up. Cara looked at me, surprised-probably because I had been coming here for years and had never participated. I could also tell that she was pleased._

_ "Raven! How nice of you to volunteer. Please, share your reading with us."_

_ Shakily I walked to the small stage, ignoring the whispers that broke out. Because of my hero status with the Teen Titans, everyone knew who I was. I was sure they were talking about the Teen Titans disbanding. I forced myself to focus. I was on a personal mission and nothing was going to stop me. _

_ In a matter of seconds I was on the stage. I was amazed that the view in front of me. I had no idea the cafe looked bigger from this perspective. I lowered my hood so that the audience would see my face for the first and only time. Then after adjusting the microphone to my level I began to read the poem that was clutched in my hands. My voice wavered._

_** Farewell**_

_** The world is dark**_

_** And completely silent**_

_** Your final act haunts me**_

_** Because it was so violent**_

_**My weak heart has been bleeding**_

_** Ever since you left me**_

_** I was too late to save you**_

_**I was too blind to see**_

_**I want to forgive those**_

_** Who led you to this fate**_

_** I cannot forgive myself**_

_** For coming too late**_

_**My soul cries for revenge**_

_** For those who hurt you **_

_** My heart longs for forgiveness**_

_** I know what I must do**_

_**I have decided to let everything go**_

_** So that my soul could be set free **_

_** Farewell, my love**_

_** Please forgive me **_

_ Loud applause erupted once I finished my poem. I smiled gratefully as I wiped the tears away. I was determined to make sure that this would be the last time I cried. Inside I could feel my emotions calm down considerably as Peace came over me and Anguish began to lessen. The poem worked._

_ Cara joined me on the stage. She was positively beaming. "That was a very moving piece, Raven," she said. "Thank you for sharing it with us." Then she spoke into the microphone. "That concludes our lunch session. Come back this evening for more."_

_ Cara turned to me. By the look on her face I could tell she somehow knew I was leaving Jump City."It has been a pleasure seeing you, Raven.."_

_ I smiled gratefully. "Thank you, Cara. For everything. I'll miss you." I exited the stage. I smiled. My emotions were settling down at last. It wouldn't be so hard to let go after all. _

_ After placing the folded poem back into my pocket, I exited the dark cafe. I winced as the bright sunlight blinded me for a split second. Then I headed towards the tea shop. I wanted to get some of my favorite teas to take back to Azarath. _

_ "Hey Raven!"_

_ I turned to see a small girl around my age, dressed in black. Her black, blue streaked hair blew as she ran to catch up with me. I recognized her immediately as one of my friends from the cafe, another regular. I smiled. "Hey Selene."_

_ Once she reached me I noticed that she had tears stained on her cheeks. In her hand she was clutching a photograph. "I just wanted to say thank you for showing your poem. It really spoke to me." Her eyes lowered. "And also, I'm really sorry about everything that's happened."_

_ "Thanks." _

_ I couldn't take my eyes off the photograph that she had in her hand. I couldn't help but wonder if that was the reason she was crying, instead of the poem I read. Selene noticed. She brought it closer and showed it to me. In the picture was Selene next to a girl with short brown hair. They looked younger in the picture and only a couple years apart._

_ "This was my older sister, Amie. We were very close." she wiped a tear off her cheek. "She died of cancer three years ago. I've been having such a hard time getting over her death. I didn't have the strength to let go of her memory. Until now." A smile spread across her face. "Your poem has inspired me to try harder to go on with my life. Thank you."_

_ I smiled back. Even though I wasn't fighting crime anymore, I was still helping people. It was a great feeling. I could tell Selene still needed someone to talk to by the way she continued to grip hard on the photograph. At the same time, I could use the company on my last day in Jump City. _

_ "I'm headed to the tea shop. Would you like to join me? We could talk some more."_

_ "Okay."_

_ Together Selene and I made our way to Sybil's Tea Shop. I was determined to help one last person before I left this place. _

_**BBRae**_

_ "So with three of the Titans gone, Cyborg and I decided to disband. He went to fight crime with the Titans East and I plan to return to Azarath tonight," I concluded. Selene now knew about everything that that happened to the Teen Titans. I left out certain details, like the reasons behind Beast Boy's suicide and the troubles with my emotions. Selene was a good friend, but not close enough to reveal further details. _

_ Her blue-gray eyes held much sympathy. "You've been through a lot. I'm so sorry, Raven."_

_ I smiled weakly, my back resting against the bench outside the tea shop. Two full bags of numerous boxes of tea sat by my feet. Selene bought around the same amount. I had no idea that we both liked a lot of the same kinds. After our shopping trip, we had spent the next few hours just relaxing. Talking to her had lifted a heavy burden off my chest. I finally felt a little relieved. Now it was my turn to help her._

_ "So tell me about your sister. What was she like?"_

_ Selene smiled, the light briefly in her eyes. "Amie was the best person I had ever known. She was only two years older, so we grew up together-did everything together. I never had a friend quite like her. She protected me."_

_ She swallowed hard. 'Then three years ago she was diagnosed with an aggressive form of leukemia. She didn't have a chance. She died seven months later." Tears fell down her cheeks. I could feel her anguish. "It broke my heart to watch her lose so much weight and suffer from so much pain. Especially since there was nothing I could do to cure her. The worst part of all was watching her take her last breath." _

_ I nodded in understanding. "I understand completely. Beast Boy died in my arms. It was devastating. But I've come to realize that he is gone and he would want for me to move on with my life. That's why I'm returning to Azarath to start over. I'm sure your sister wants you to move on also-to be happy."_

_ "You're right, Raven," she said softly. "I just don't know if I have to strength to let her go. I miss her more and more each day."_

_For the first time ever, I reached over and squeezed her shoulder reassuringly. Knowledge's advice rang in my head. "I know it's hard, but in time you will learn to let go. To make it not hurt so much, you should do other things that will keep your mind occupied, such as spend time with your family and friends. It will help give you the strength to move on with your life and become happy again. Trust me."_

_ A small silence passed between us. Selene twirled a lock of her black, blue hair. By the expression on her face, I could tell that she was starting to feel better. "You know, you don't have to return to Azarath. You could stay here and live a normal life like me. We could hang out more, and heal together. What do you say?"_

_ I thought long and hard about her offer. I admit, it had given me a wonderful feeling to tell Selene everything. I could feel my darker emotions start to get weaker. Plus I could tell that having a kindred spirit around would be beneficial for her healing faster. However, I wasn't sure if it was a good idea at the moment, since my emotions were still not 100% yet. I decided to keep the city safe and return to Azarath. I noticed it was dark. I didn't realize we had been talking for so long. I needed to get going._

_ I gave Selene a sad smile. "I'd love to stay, but I can't. I promised myself that I was going to move past this, and I figured the best way was to have a fresh start back home. Plus, I miss my mother. I haven't seen her in quite a while."_

_ "I understand. Goodbye, Raven. Thank you for helping me."_

_ I stood up from the bench and pulled my hood up. "It was my pleasure. Take care, Selene."_

_ I grabbed my bags and turned into a Raven. In a manner of seconds I entered the deserted tower. All the lights were off and it was dead silent. The tower was so dark I could barely see where I was going. The whole atmosphere was getting too creepy-even for me. I felt like I was in a horror movie. The sooner I left for Azarath, the better._

_ I looked sadly at the deserted kitchen. The counters were bare, except a couple of empty tea cups by the sink. All of Starfire's cooking equipment were gone. I was truly alone. I forced the tears back. I couldn't take this sad sight anymore. I headed to my room to grab my things._

_ **SLICE!**_

_I screamed in agony as I felt something incredibly sharp slice me on the arm. I stumbled to the ground, dropping my shopping bags. Blood ran from my cut and onto the floor. Next to me on the floor was a red and black disc with sharp edges poking out on the outside. The letter R was in the middle. It looked like it belong to..._

_ After regaining my balance I took in my surroundings once more, my hand clutching bleeding arm. Then I saw the silhouette of my attacker standing behind the long couch. He was a tall figure with messy hair. I could see parts of his face thanks to the moonlight. The mask that covered his eyes was glaring at me with pure hated. I gasped, my heart beginning to race. _

_ It was Robin. _


	9. Chapter 9 Forgiveness

(A/N: Here's the next chapter. I really hope you like it. Please review. Love, Ellivia22)

Disclaimer: Teen Titans still isn't mine :(

**Lost Without You**

** Chapter 9 Forgiveness**

_"Hello Raven," Robin said coldly._

_ I stared at him in horror, my powers automatically turning on the lights. Robin was wearing his usual uniform, cape and all. He was clutching his bo staff and several discs. At the sight of my former teammate I could feel the Peace that was in my soul ebb away in a manner of seconds. Instead I became filled with an inner desire for revenge. I kept my feet on the ground in an effort to not fulfill that desire._

_ "Hello Robin," I replied. My tone matched his. "Have you come back to join us again? Well, thanks to you, the Teen Titans is no more."_

_ "I could care less about the team anymore. All that matters now is that I get justice from what you took from me."_

_ Robin threw another disc at me. This time I was ready and blocked his attack easily. "What are you talking about?"_

_ "Starfire. I had just built enough courage to tell her that I loved her. You turned her against me. I went to Tamaran and begged her to come back. She refused to even see me. Because of you, she wants nothing to do with me." I dodged another disc. "You ruined my life!"_

_ I couldn't take my eyes off the hatred on his face. His teeth were gritted furiously. I so badly wanted to fight back, but with Brave gone, the only thing I could do was defend myself. I flew behind the kitchen counter in an effort to put more distance between us. "I did nothing but state the truth. You're the reason everything happened. You drove Beast Boy to suicide. You started all of this!"_

_ "You're damn right I drove him to suicide!"_

_ My heart literally stopped beating for a split second. I wasn't expecting him to actually admit it. "W-what?"_

_ Robin's expression changed from fury to grim satisfaction. He grinned at me maliciously. "That's right. I did it. Since I'm going to kill you anyway, you might as well die knowing the truth. Starfire was right. I never liked Beast Boy. He was always an annoying weakling who never took anything seriously. He was always in the way. I never wanted him to join our team in the first place."_

_ He loomed closer. I backed away, my eyes still staring at him in horror. Robin continued. "Then Beast Boy ruined my chances in getting Slade at last. When I was Red X and saved him from the train, Slade immediately knew it was me. If I had just let the train hit him, Slade would be in jail. So I knew I had to get rid of our teammate once and for all._

_ The accident at the lab turned out to be the perfect opportunity. I used that as an advantage to turn Starfire and Cyborg against Beast Boy. I knew I didn't have to worry about you because you kept your distance anyway. I convinced them that he was dangerous and worthless, and they turned against him just as I hoped. I knew my plan was working and Beast Boy was falling fast. I continued to knock him down and belittle him until he realized that suicide was the only way out. Beast Boy is dead because of me, and I'm proud of it."_

_ Robin was getting dangerously closer to me. I barely noticed. Robin's words of hate rang horribly in my ears. My body shook as I felt myself losing control. _

Beast Boy is dead because of me, and I'm proud of it

_"What's the matter, Raven?" Robin taunted. "Am I making you angry?"_

_The world started to get fuzzy. My eyes rolled to the back of my head. I suck in a sharp breath as I felt myself losing complete control of my emotions._

_ **Rage**_

_I emerged in absolute fury. As I gained height, I advanced swiftly toward Robin, who was trying to put on a brave face. I was no way in hell going to start by intimidation I was going to kill the bastard-for Beast Boy. But first I was going to let him know how outraged I was by his confession. He intentionally caused Beast Boy's suicide. He was going to suffer. _

_ With a black tentacle I grabbed Robin by his legs and lifted him off the ground. Then I slammed him hard against the wall, twice. A loud cracking sound rang in the tower. Robin yelled in pain. I was sure that I had cracked some of his ribs. Then I flung him in the opposite direction._

_ **SHATTER!**_

_ After pulling Robin away from the now broken window, I threw my former friend to the ground hard. Robin's back hit the large button on the wall. The alarm went off, but I ignored it. He tried to escape the tentacle that were still wrapped around him, but I tightened my grip. Already I could see the numerous cuts on his body and his torn uniform from coming in contact with the glass. I advanced on him swiftly. I wasn't even close to being finished. _

_ "THE ONLY ONE WHO IS GOING TO GET JUSTICE TONIGHT IS ME! YOU INTENTIONALLY TOOK THE LOVE OF MY LIFE! I'M GOING TO AVENGE HIM BY KILLING YOU! SAY GOODBYE!"_

_ I tore off the cabinet doors and flung them at my target. I snarled and threw more objects at him, keeping him on the ground. I grinned in satisfaction as blood ran down his heavily bruised face from a broken nose. I was also enjoying Robin's constant struggle to keep breathing. _

_ "HURTS DOESN'T IT?!" I taunted. _

_ Using my powers I pulled the sharpest knife from the knife block and placed it in my right hand. I was going to stab him until he was no longer recognizable. I shrank to normal size and advanced on him, the knife held high. I made sure that the tentacle around Robin was tight enough so he couldn't get away. _

_ "Wait!" Robin cried out unexpectedly. His voice was ragged and hoarse. "Don't do this! You're better than that, Raven."_

_ "YOU DESERVE IT!" I boomed._

_ "Is that what Beast Boy would've wanted?" Robin asked desperately. "For you to kill me?"_

_ I stopped short, a few feet away from Robin. My grip started to lessen. Having little strength, Robin's knees gave way and he hit the floor._

You need to forgive him, Raven

_Once more I felt myself losing complete control of the power I had over Raven. I struggled to stay dominant. "NO! LET ME KILL HIM! LET ME BRING JUSTICE!"_

_ Then everything came fast as I was forced back to Nevermore once more._

_ **Raven**_

_Shakily I dropped the knife. I couldn't believe that I almost took a life. I stared at Robin's bleeding form, as he struggled to his feet. The tentacle was gone. "I-I'm sorry Robin."_

_ I didn't get a chance to react. Robin's hand lashed out, striking me hard across the face. _

_ **SMACK!**_

_ I fell to the ground in a gasp of pain. Robin was smirking at me. "You are so pathetic, Raven. All I had to do was mention Beast Boy and you immediately fall to pieces. You'll be easy to kill."_

_ Robin quickly grabbed his bo staff from the ground and raised it high. I gasped, preparing my shield. Suddenly there was movement and Cyborg slammed into Robin, pushing him away from me. I tried to catch my breath. I took in the scene in front of me. _

_ Along with Cyborg was Speedy from the Titans East. I wasn't sure where the other members of the Titans East were, but I was so glad they were there. They had responded to the alarm going off. I leaned against the wall and watched as the former friends fought each other. Despite the fact that he was outnumbered and badly injured, Robin was fighting pretty well._

_I stared at the hate on Robin's face as he blocked Speedy's arrows and Cyborg's sonic blasts with his staff. I came to a sudden realization. Robin's hatred for Beast Boy and for me was so strong that it was all he could think about. He couldn't let go. It was slowly destroying him. Instead of hating him back, I slowly started to forgive him, just like I had with the others. I pushed myself off the wall. I had to stop this madness._

_ "STOP!"_

_ All three Titans froze in the middle of the now destroyed living room. Speedy had an arrow ready to be released. Cyborg was aiming his cannon at Robin, who was gripping his bo staff tightly._

_ I struggled to my feet, then flew beside Cyborg. With a gentle hand, I lowered his cannon. "All this hate is getting us nowhere. Instead of fighting because of the past, we should be forgiving each other and moving on." I glanced at Robin, swallowing the lump in my throat. "Robin, I know you are really angry at me right now, but I beg you to let go of your hate. If you don't, it will destroy you in the end. Let's just end this peacefully and continue on with our lives."_

_ A small silence passed between the three of us. I stared at Robin with pleading eyes. Unfortunately it was obvious he wasn't moved by my speech. His expression was still cold and angry. "It's too late."_

_ Everything happened so fast. As Robin started towards me, Speedy released his arrow. Before I could stop myselfr, I ran in front of Robin, right in front of the arrow. _

_ **BAM!**_

_ I screamed in agony as the arrow hit me straight in the chest. Unable to stand on my feet, I fell backwards, my back hitting the floor. My vision blurred as the excruciating pain continued to build. There was a loud commotion. Vaguely I felt the arrow pulled out of my chest. I gasped hard for breath._

_ "Hold on, Raven," Cyborg was saying. His voice seemed so far away. "We'll get you help."_

_ A tear fell down my cheek. I felt my heartbeat slowing down. I knew I wasn't going to survive the night. I forced myself to focus on Cyborg's horrified face. I was vaguely aware that Speedy and Robin were standing quite a distance, staring at me in shock. My eyes squeezed shut in effort to hold back the increasing pain._

_ "Nothing can help me now,," I whispered, another tear falling down my cheek. I struggle to get in my final words. "I have forgiven you all-for everything. Goodbye."_

_ My breathing became nearly impossible. As my end became near, Peace consumed me from head to toe. I felt satisfied. I had brought Peace to my emotions at last by forgiving the others. _

_ "I'm so proud of you, Raven."_

_ My eyes opened halfway. An almost transparent Beast Boy knelt on the other side of me. He was looking at me with such tenderness. I smiled. "Hello Beast Boy. I thought you were gone."_

_ Cyborg gave me a strange look. It was obvious that he couldn't see Beast Boy on the other side of me. _

_ "I came back for you. I'll guide you safely to the afterlife."_

_ My world became fuzzy as my organs started shutting down. I was ready to move on to the next life with my true love finally by my side. "I'm ready."_

_ Beast Boy leaned closer to me. "I love you, Raven."_

_ "I love you, too, Beast Boy."_

_ I closed my eyes as Beast Boy's lips met mine in our first and last kiss. His lips were cold, but tasted just right. I kissed him back hungrily. A white light flashed in front of my eyes as we entered everlasting peace._

_**Last chapter is coming up next.**_


	10. Chapter 10 A Second Chance

(A\N: Here is the last chapter. I thank you all for reading my story. I really appreciate it. Take care, and please review. Love, Ellivia22)

Disclaimer: If I owned Teen Titans, I would own the huge TV that's in Titans tower.

**Lost Without You**

** Chapter 10 A Second Chance**

The world comes rushing at me really fast. I feel slightly nauseous. The first thing my eyes are able to focus on is a long, deep gash on a green skinned forearm. "Please, Beast Boy," I hear myself say. "I care about you."

Another voice answers, but I'm barely able to register his words. My heart is pounding too loud."I don't believe you. I know what you really think about me: annoying, pathetic, humorless, Beast Boy. Don't pretend to care, Raven. I know you truly don't. Just leave me the hell alone!"

The green arm is jerked out of my hands, but I barely notice. Instead I'm taking in my surroundings, my body shaking.

I'm standing alone in the middle of a long hallway, I recognize it as the hallway in Titans Tower that leads to the living room and kitchen. I don't understand. Aren't I supposed to be in the afterlife with Beast Boy? The last thing I remember is the bright white light flashing before my eyes when he kissed me.

The ache I felt from being pierced by the arrow is gone. I look down. In fact there is no wound at all. No blood. My heart is beating faster than ever. My hands vaguely touch the soft fabric of my cloak and my leotard. All real. I stand as still as a statue, unsure of where to go, or what to do. What's going on?

For the first time I notice the tingling in my hands. Tingling, I realize, from when I was clutching onto his arm. I feel as though I had touched an electric socket. It's a feeling I always get...when I get a vision. I stumble back a little. My breathing is uneven. Could it be possible? Could all of the horrible events that I endured just have been all a vision? Are Beast Boy and I still alive?

Suddenly a figure emerges into the hallway from the kitchen; a green figure wearing a black and purple uniform. His head is down. It's Beast Boy, looking alive and well. I finally find my voice. "Y-you're alive!"

Beast Boy stops a few feet in front of me. He lifts his head. Tears are in his eyes as he avoids my gaze. "Yeah, unfortunately."

I fly at him fast, grabbing him by the shoulders. I slam him against the wall, my hood falling back. Beast Boy gapes at me in shock and slight fear. "Raven, w-what?"

My hands run all over him. I touch his arms, his muscled chest, his damp face. All solid. This is real. My hands lands over his heart. I feel his racing pulse and the rise and fall of his chest. He's definitely alive.

I look deeply into his jade eyes. They are full of torment, betrayal, and confusion. This confirms everything. It was just a horrible vision. I have the chance to save him, and all of us from that horrible fate. Best of all I feel Brave taking over me. Nothing is going to stop me now from telling Beast Boy how I feel about him.

"You're alive," I confirm with a smile, a happy tear falling down my cheek. I lean in, placing my lips firmly against his.

This time, Beast Boy's lips are warm and taste just like I remember from my vision. Perfection. I have never been so happy to kiss him again. After overcoming the shock, Beast Boy responds with equally passionate kisses. He opens his mouth and I respond enthusiastically. I grip on his uniform as his arms wrap around my waist. I can't get enough of him. I'm so happy my heart is about to burst.

We only pull away when air becomes a necessity. Beast Boy looks utterly confused, his arms still around me. "I don't understand. I thought you hated me."

"Quite the opposite. I'm in love with you, and have been for a long time. You are my entire world."

Beast Boy smiles at me briefly, but then it fades. It looks like he wants to believe me, but isn't sure if he should. "But why are you telling me this now?"

"When I touched your arm a few minutes ago, I had a vision-a very powerful one. In the vision, you committed suicide. I learned what the others had done to you, such as Cyborg dumping your tofu, and all the horrible things Robin has been saying to you. I didn't get the chance to tell you how wrong they are. I never got to tell you how I feel."

Beast Boy looks devastated for a second. I feel slightly bad for bringing up such horrible memories. I wrap my arms around him and hug him tightly in hopes to comfort him. He avoids looking at me, confirming that he was planning to do what I saw. A tear falls down his cheek. "I don't want to hurt anymore."

I wipe the tear away. I so badly want to take all the hurt away instantly, but know it's going to take time. I've got to set things straight with the others before things get worse. "I know. But if you let me help you I promise things will get better. Please, Beast Boy. I love you. I can't lose you again."

Shakily Beast Boy runs a gloved hand through my violet hair. My entire body shivers. For the first time, he has an expression of tremendous relief. I can feel the distress in his emotions lessen considerably. He believes me.

At last he gives me a small smile. "I love you, too, Raven. So very much."

Our lips meet in another powerful kiss. After we pull away, I grab his hand. "Come on," I say gently. I lead him to his room. The journey to heal him is going to be long, but I'm determined to make him better no matter what it takes. For now all I want to do is spend time with my true love and make up for lost time.

**The End**


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